there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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