a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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