I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
