I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You don't make any sense
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