i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
