if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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