Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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