First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
