The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
