I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
