I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
