yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
