It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize