My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
