There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
