why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize