My nipple is on Facebook.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
