Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He shit in the fireplace
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
