I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
