I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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