Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You've changed since you got that strap on
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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