I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
