none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
