She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
