I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize