ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
