i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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