Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
