just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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