Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
