Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
