i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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