Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize