on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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