she woke up with a sticky ear
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
