Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
