dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
