Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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