Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize