Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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