using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
