so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
