Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
