If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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