so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
