Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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