woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
