hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
