even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
