And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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