I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize