I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize