Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
