My friends, they love my intelligence
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
