You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
