Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
