Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
