If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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