I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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