yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
