Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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