my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
