help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
So. Much. Porn.
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