walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
only if we run a train.
done.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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