community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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